Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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