my vag is so smooth its legendary
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
