you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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