idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
