i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
