I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
