sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
