i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
