News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
