every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
