i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
