You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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