Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
