I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
