I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
