Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
