3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
