Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
