I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
