How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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