The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
