He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
