Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
