We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
