There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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