guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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