PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
