look no pants
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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