Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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