yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
