They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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