1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
