So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
