dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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