So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
