from now on my penis is your penis
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
