bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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