just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
