just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
