We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
then he tried to convert me to islam
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
