yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
