Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
