She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
