My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
