Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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