Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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