Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
