I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
