Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
