I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
