woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
