It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
